When Cupid Leaves the Bedroom: Low Testosterone

The following is a discussion on the life challenges that confront heart patients and their spouses. The scenario is meant to elicit conversations between men and women on the delicate topics.

Hana and Hank, who are both 55 years old, have been married for 25 years. Hank had bypass surgery 7 years ago. Results from lab exams completed at his most recent annual wellness visit to the cardiologist show elevation in Hank's blood pressure and blood sugar levels. Consequently, the cardiologist changes Hank’s medications and informs Hank to stop taking testosterone injections.

Hana and Hank had an active, healthy sexual relationship that included more than traditional

intercourse. Their sexual relationship had been boosted from testosterone shots that Hank was taking. When Hank stopped taking testosterone his passion disappeared. For Hank this was a troubling situation because he did not know how to explain to his wife what had happened to his desire.

After reading several self-help magazines on relationships, Hank decided that honesty would be the best policy. He confessed to Hana that the reason that he no longer had the same level of passion was because of a change in his medications. Initially, Hana was relieved. She knew that something was wrong, and she was happy to finally receive an explanation. However, after several months of the reduced bedroom activity, Hana grew more frustrated.

One morning around 4:30 am, Hana woke Hank to ask, “Do you still find me desirable?” “Of course, I do” Hank responded. Hank shrugged his shoulders and mumbled, “It's that damn medicine.” Tearfully, Hana said “You still seem to have time to watch porn and masturbate. So why don't you find me attractive?” Once again, Hank said the medication has affected the way that my body responds. Hana said, “I understand medication can be a problem, but the last time you stopped pursuing me it was because you were having an affair.” Hank quickly responds, “let's leave the past in the past, this situation is entirely different. It’s a medical condition.” To which Hana shouted, “I don’t believe you!”

The next day, a frustrated Hank called to get help on handling the situation. Hank said he wanted to tell Hana that every time he comes to their bedroom, he is nervous that he will not be able to perform. Moreover, he just does not have the same desire as before without taking the testosterone injections. He was also angry because his wife did not believe that his issues were caused the recent changes to his medication. Hank even shared his most recent lab reports with Hana and highlighted his extremely low testosterone levels. Regardless, Hana remained skeptical.

1. What can we say to Hank to help him better explain this situation to Hana?

2. What is Hana feeling about this situation?

3. Could Hana be more understanding?

4. Should Hank see his cardiologist for a change in medication?